In case you missed it. Part 1, the beginning of my story is here
Let me start with this: no matter where I’ve worked, I’ve always shown up with energy and optimism. That’s just who I am. I try to find my way, get to know people. The team always comes first. Then me.
Growing up, I did a lot of solo sports like karate. (I’m not as flexible these days, but with a bit of stretching, I can still land a high kick at head height—true story, haha!) I also did judo, swimming, fitness. And team sports, too—football, bootcamp, basketball.
There’s something to be said for both. Individual sports teach you to know yourself. But team sports? That’s where people bring their strengths together for one goal: to win. Personally, I’ve always found more fulfillment in team wins than solo ones.
The dream: a management role
During my studies, I already had a clear picture of what I wanted: to become a manager. Why? One word: authority.
My parents didn’t speak Dutch well. So I became the translator. The spokesperson. The leader at home. People listened to me. So naturally, I thought, any organization could use someone like me, right?
I see things differently now. Most people don’t want to be managed. They want to be led—with inspiration. That’s just how I see it. Leadership isn’t about having a big team. It’s about what you do, not what you say. That’s the kind of person I want to be.
First steps into work life
During school, I worked a bunch of side jobs—mostly in sales. My social skills helped a lot. People are often surprised to meet an IT guy who’s this social. My little brother’s also in IT, but he usually just says what’s needed and moves on.
With all the sales training I got, I could basically sell anything.
I did my graduation internship—and started my career—at Cenosco. It turned into a nightmare. That’s where my panic attacks began. A toxic co-owner made sure my start was rough. He reduced both me and his own assistant to tears more than once. I’d just left school. Just finished my internship. And I landed in a company led by someone I can only describe as… destructive. I couldn’t function. It broke me, mentally and physically.
Then came Teletigers, a company installing Avaya phone systems. That was a breath of fresh air. Fun people, laid-back atmosphere, tons of technical training. I developed fast. But when I asked to lead projects, I kept getting strung along.
Eventually, they gave me a project—way too complex for one person. It felt like a setup. Like they wanted me to fail so I’d stay quiet. So they could say: “See? You’re not ready.”
Maybe I made mistakes too. I was young. Inexperienced. But I could feel it: I was being deliberately held back.
From stuck to breaking point
I got more defensive. Dug my heels in. Started pushing back—not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t know better. People weren’t being honest with me. Or maybe they were, and I just couldn’t hear it.
Then the unthinkable happened: I lost both my parents. Within 18 months.
Still, nothing changed overnight. Even at my current job, at the municipality, I kept falling into old patterns.
Work had become my identity. My worth was tied to performance. Only when everything fell away did I realize I’m not just my job title. I’m a person. And I get to figure out who I want to be.
Then my manager, Jos Lindhout, held up a mirror one day.
He said: “Maybe it’s you. Your colleagues aren’t happy with how things are going.”
That hit hard. I had no idea people saw me that way. I was ashamed. But I took the chance. I got help—therapy and coaching—and finally started working on myself.
When it all clicked
During our world trip, everything clicked. Stepping out of the system, away from the usual routines, gave me literal breathing space.
That trip aligned my head and my heart.
When I came back, people felt the difference. My current manager noticed it. Colleagues too. They could see the “before and after.” And that… that’s priceless.
Do I feel safe at work?
Not always.
There are still colleagues who act polite to your face but play politics behind your back. That doesn’t feel safe.
But I’m also now surrounded by a few people who genuinely want to build something. Together, we’re moving the team forward. And that gives me pride.
Self awareness — and what I’m still working on
Real change starts with you. I know that now.
Not long ago, something small outside of work got to me. A stranger. What I saw as injustice. And I froze. Got irritated. Frustrated. Angry.
My wife said something that stuck:
“You can’t blame people who aren’t growing yet for not being ready to change.”
She’s right. Some people just aren’t there yet.
And that’s what I’m working on now—letting go. Growing anyway. Giving space.
To end — a question for you
That’s enough about me. But I’m curious:
👉 What’s your take on self development?
👉 Are you working on it? Or do you secretly feel like you’re already “done”?
Drop a comment or send a message. We grow better when we do it together. 💬
I’ve got a leadership and vision masterclass coming up soon. I’m really curious what it’ll bring me—and if you’re curious too, I’ll gladly share what I learn. Don’t want to miss it? Follow me or reach out.