Navigating Toxicity at Work
Listen to the podcast right here.
Summary
In this blog, I share my journey from navigating a chaotic work environment to becoming a Change Manager through self-reflection and personal growth. During the upheaval of COVID-19, I faced challenges with team dynamics and new management, which tested my patience and resilience. Upon returning from a sabbatical, I encountered a toxic colleague who undermined my efforts, but I chose to respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally. This experience taught me the power of evaluating my emotions, staying true to myself, and adapting to challenging situations. Ultimately, my commitment to personal change and honest self-reflection led to professional success and fulfillment in my desired role.All my writings I write online in this tool called ProWritingAid to make sure the grammar and all that stuff is nice and tight. The blog I’m about to write again, I wrote 3 days ago but after 2 - 3 hour writing none of that stuff got saved. Oh man, I was so devastated. It was not finished, so the next day I wanted to finish it and when I couldn’t find it I procrastinated it for 2 days to start over. Now I’m positive this is saving because I created the document a day before and it’s still here.
Introduction
In a work environment, there will be always colleagues, managers or even customers who can push your buttons. Somehow, they say, do, or act in a certain way that triggers you emotionally. In order to succeed professionally, we need to learn what those triggers are and how to deal with it. Trust me, I did a ton of personal soul-searching for a couple of years to end up where I am today. It took me ages, but I’m finally a manager, a Change Manager. I’ve been wanting a managing position since graduation, but no manager would let me have it. I thought they were idiots, and it turns out I was too, for getting in my way. Ironically, I became a Change Manager after did some Change Management on myself.
This story I’m about to tell is taken from my work environment. Only names are changed. Moral of the story is that I want to create awareness on self-reflection. Learn and evaluate every work related emotion. By being honest with yourself, you can react differently next time or simply by admitting, “I am feeling very emotional.” The only thing you can have an influence on is yourself. You will not change the person in front of you, so you need to change or adapt to the situation.
Covid-19
During covid-19 our entire world got change. Suddenly we were working from home full time and some part time. Right before covid we got a new manager because the other one left the shit hole we were in. Our IT department was a mess. The old manager ran away when he realized that this challenge was too big for him. The new manager did what was necessary, like purchasing new hardware, rolling out company laptops and phones. Our server hardware was so old that from time to time it just crashed and half of the employees couldn’t work. I mean, when you think it can’t get any lower than this, something new happens and we would reach a new low. We faced every challenge together and somehow survived covid.
Before, my world travels.
During COVID and afterwards, I was really busy setting up my new server with both a test platform and a production platform. There were 4 platforms that were online. The old and the new. I had to implement every process for the new onces and breakdown the old onces. In addition, we needed to connect every other client through a secure line to our network. Before this, there was no standard. We were all connected via VPN or other connections that were not save. So I had my hands full 2 years prior to my sabbatical. After 2 years, we also said goodbye to our manager. He was on a 2 year contract. Luckily for us, they found a new face for our IT department. I met with him briefly to get acquainted. The second time was to arrange my substitute, and I told him that the enormous work was done and when I got back we need to talk about my tasks.
The new hire.
We all agreed that someone has to cover my work in the period I’m not around. Our manager gave a project leader the command to find someone. There were few options for doing what I do, so we hired a supplier who could replace the hire with sickness and in health. We agreed on some terms regarding onsite or remote, 1 day or 2 half days, etc. Everyone agreed on the terms and this new guy turned out to be my trainer from 7 years ago. Let’s call him Jim. I knew Jim; I knew his knowledge and what kind a person he is. That gave me a peace of mind and my coworkers as well because they knew him too. In 2 weeks I got him up to speed and the technical stuff, well that part he knew better than me hahaha.
Team relationship.
We are not one team. We got a bunch of teams in side the IT team. That makes sense, right? But for our organisation, all the communication bridges to the other teams are broken. We got no clear rules, regulations, and terms. It’s the wild west. Everybody comes and goes as they please and when it gets too complicated, everybody just backs down. To address this situation, our manager hired a new guy to get some rules and regulations in place. Let’s call him Peter. Okay, disclaimer; from here on is just hearsay because I wasn’t around. But knowing everybody in our IT department, I feel comfortable to write my interpretation of how things went south for Jim. This Peter was hired to lay the foundation for a good running IT department. He was really smart and could put words on paper that I even didn’t know they exist. Unfortunately for Peter, he trusted a toxic virus who’s been with the organisation since the dinosaur age. Peter didn’t have any social skills and couldn’t quite read the room. He attacked everyone with emails, contracts and in person with words. Jim, a good person who had nothing to do with all this, was his collateral damage. Word spread further that I did nothing. None of my responsibilities were met according to this toxic dinosaur. Peter made sure everyone knew that, too. Some welcome I’m going to get when I’m back, right?
My return
Before I returned, my future friend took Jim in protection and came in his place at our organisation. He’s already fed false information about me, so there goes my first impression. Anyway, the first day I was at work I saw a guy walking in the hallway and my gut told me instantly, this guy is dangerous and toxic. Not knowing 3 minutes later, this guy introduces himself as Peter. Our first conversation this guy immediately talks about my work being done in 1 day and we should talk about more responsibilities. I kept the conversation as casual as possible. The 2nd thing he asked was, I have to let the supplier know how long we need to keep Woody around. I just named my future friend Woody, the guy who saved Jim. I said to him Wednesdays is my day of it will have to wait till then. He pushed some more, and I responded to him with. Let him call me or send me a teams invite and I’ll speak to him. When I got back home, I evaluated the situation and came to realize this guy insulated me in my face and nullified everything I worked for. I was outraged by this discovery. The next they he emailed me I promised to be available the whole day for work. I replied, stop twisting my words. I told you to let the guy call me. A few minutes later, he calls me anonymously, so sad. I knew it was him but I answered anyway and the minute I heard his voice I told him not now Peter, I’m outraged no good can come from this conversation and we hang up. I was fully Zen, energized from the travels and ready to work, and this guy took that away from me in 15 minutes in total. How toxic is this? I never got the chance to talk to him because later that evening I had a word with my manager. He called me to say welcome back and to catch up. I told him I met Peter. He laughed and said don’t worry about him. Next morning he got fired effective immediately. I was both happy and sad. Sad because I really wanted to have a conversation with him about how he handled things with me and being very disrespectful.
Change Manager
Woody and I got to know each other and became friends in a short period. He told me, man; I didn’t know what to expect. I hear from your colleagues that your friendly and on the other side you don’t work, etc. We laughed, and I told him how I see the company and things work around here and that I depend very on the suppliers and resources of our team. He took that and told my manager that he’s fed false information and how I really could help the team. I initiated a one on one with my manager. My goal was to talk with him about my task and that I could do more like we talked about before I left for sabbatical. We had a really pleasant conversation, although I was really nervous about what to expect given the things I heard behind my back. At that moment, he asked me to be the Change Manager and Certificate Manager of our team. He wanted someone that was verbally strong and could adapt easily in stressful moments. We also talked about our department’s vision for 2025. I was, of course, thrilled to hear that, and I accepted without a doubt. I also got really emotional because right there and then I realized all my hard work was finally giving me fruits. Quiet ironic, isn’t it? Over the past 4 years, I have worked hard on myself and changed the way I think and look at certain aspects of life. So, on my way to my car, I was again thinking about it and felt completely bliss.
Why is this story any good for you?
In the professional work life, there we’ll be always nay sayers, backstabbers, and other toxic people. It only takes 1 small virus to make you get influenza. So, if you have that one person in your department, it will set the tone of your team spirit. Let no one stop you from getting your goals. Try to evaluate every discussion when you're calm by yourself and be true to yourself and own your part. If you're right, try to talk about it later on with a different approach. Talk to a different colleague about how they would approach the situation. You don’t show weakness by asking for help. But if you're wrong, own it and apologize that you couldn’t understand his point of view then and you do now. After that you could find command ground to walk on together. Emotions can take the best of us and it’s hard to accept that you could be wrong. Asking for advice or apologizing is not a sign of weakness it’s a sign of adultery. For a long time I always liked to think I’m right, you're wrong, and it got me nowhere. I also was stubborn towards colleagues and managers if they didn’t share my ideology.
Now what?
I’m going to use this platform to share work related examples and my roadmap. Did you find this article insightful? Leave your email and I’ll get back to you when a new article is about life. If you want to know more about self-help, communication, goals, etc. You can sign up for my books page to receive summaries and practical tips that can immediately benefit you.
Until next time,
Dogac